Cast:
Smart lawyer – Elliot Human
Stupid lawyer – Leo Cyborg
Judge – Jake Human
James Dunce – Michael Human
Carroll Face – Jess W Alien
Swampy Longwhite – Austin Cyborg
Bella Maddy – Bella Alien
Suspects – Georgia, Millie N, Mia, Lexus
Head of the Jury – Noah Cyborg
Jury – Keysha, Kaytee 1 alien, 1 cyborg
Usher – Rachel Alien
Script (or click here to download a word doc):
(The Judge walks in and goes round to several audience members shaking their hands as though he is a chat show host. He takes his seat)
Usher: All rise for judge biggie bottom
Judge: Order in the court!
We are gathering today to witness the judgement of Kat Mamammaam and Yolanda Iridocyclitis.
You may take your seats.
Now could we have the defending party speak.
(Stupid Lawyer runs into the courtroom looking a state, bag bursting with papers, shirt untucked, tie upside down, and hair looking like a balloon was rubbed on it.)
Stupid Lawyer: Sorry I’m late, traffic was awful.
Judge: That is fine Mr Bartholemew.
Please begin your defending argument.
Stupid Lawyer: Errrr, let me see here
(opens briefcase and proceeds to drop all his papers.)
Section 43 paragraph Xo states that all evidence needed to make a trial should be submitted to the ground…
(checks pockets, roots through papers, looks flustered)
oh wait no it needs to be submitted to my mum.
aww DARN that my mother’s day card..
Smart Lawyer: You really should get that to your mother even if it is a couple months too late.
Stupid Lawyer: Evidence has to be submitted to me.
Smart Lawyer: The travel presenters have been seen spying on government headquarters.
Stupid Lawyer: Says who? Who has witnessed this?
(Stupid Lawyer goes through the pile of papers and junk to lift out a folder and proceads to mumble a bunch of words)
Smart lawyer: James Dunce.
Please join us at the stands…Mr Dunce, please could you tell the court what you witnessed two days ago?
James: Well…
Basically I was patrolling the government base near a woods when I heard someone shout [loudly…] RUN
Stupid lawyer: Is that all evidence you have? …A so called guard who happens to say my clients were at government headquarters?
Smart lawyer: No. I have plenty more evidence where that comes from.
Please rise to the stands… Swampy Longwhite, Mr Longwhite, please explain to us what you saw on Tuesday morning.
Swampy Longwhite: Well erm, I work inside the government radar when I was alerted with a constant beeping which wouldn’t stop.
Then the CCTV show two figures which were identical to the two travel presenters.
Stupid lawyer: Aside from blury images of two figures I can’t see any actual evidence of my clients doing anything wrong.
There isn’t any proof that they have done anything to do with (mocking) ‘spying on government headquarters’.
So without any proof your honor; I rest my case.
Smart lawyer: OBJECTION!!!
Judge: Allowed!!!
Smart lawyer: What about the other charges they are also here for?
(Stupid lawyer gulps exceptionally loudly.)
Stupid lawyer: Other charges?
Smart lawyer: Oh yes my good fellow. Such as wearing socks with sliders?
Stupid lawyer: Give me a minute please, I need to think.
(Goes through pile of papers by his feet and pulls out a book for how to be a good lawyer)
Well let’s see.
Erm all lawyers need evidence. No not that.
They must understand as much about the situation as the other party. No not that.
Ooh got it! Must know how to dance and have people giving oneself full attention when speaking or performing an action…
(Proceeds to dance to the music of a random song and talks about their is no evidence of any wrongdoing)
Judge: ORDER! ORDER! ORDER IN COURT ROOM! Mr Bartholomew take a seat and BE QUIET!
Mr Crankason please rise and carry on with further evidence of the charges.
Smart Lawyer: There are many witnesses who have witnessed these offences and I would like to call up Caroll Face to share what she witnessed.
Caroll Face: I was going out of my house for a saturday morning walk when I witnessed these girls wearing socks with SLIDERS! It was such a shock I had to run home and lock every door and close every curtain, I was so mortified.
Judge: Is this all you have to say or do you have more to tell me and the lawyers?
Caroll Face: No sir, that’s all I have to say.
Judge: Hmmm…
Ok Lawyers is there anything you would like to say before I close this case?
Stupid Lawyer: I have evidence of these girls at a restaurant when they were “suposably seen” AT the top secret goverment base.
Smart Lawyer: What evidence do you have???
Stupid Lawyer: I have a witness who was the waitress who was serving these girls at the time. I would like to call up Bella Maddy to prove my point.
Belle Maddy: I was at the restaurant on the corner when I was serving the most lovely, elegant, intelligent young beings and I gave them a burger and chips each. This time was at one o’clock in the afternoon on a Saturday when these beings were meant to be at government headquarters!
Judge: Is that all Bella?
Bella Maddy: Yes it is your honor
Judge: That is excellent.
This court will be adjourned for 15 mins to allow the jury to decide the fate of the suspects
(Usher carries out sign saying ‘15 minutes later’)
Usher: Please rise for judge biggie bottom
Judge: Will the head of the jury please stand.
Does the head of the jury find the defendant guilty or not guilty?
Head if the jury: Guilty
Judge: That is life on prison planet… court dismissed
Usher: all rise